Post by overlord on Jul 9, 2008 21:36:06 GMT -5
It would be awesome to have this story featured as satire.
If you disagree, then you're wrong.
(Note: This is simply a humorous story. Also, it can get potentially awesome, as in bloody, in a text/imagination way, so mind you.)
George got out of bed. He walked to the kitchen and took the already cooked and buttered toast. The toaster knows better then to keep George waiting. George walked through the door and was walking to his friend's house. He was ready to go kill Zardmen, because he felt like it. As he was walking to his friend's house, he passed some children.
"Hey mister, what's your name?"
George looked down at the small kid. He knelt down and put his hand on the boy's head.
"Do you really want to know?"
"Yes sir!"
"George."
George stood up and walked away from the kid, as he knew that each step he took, the boy's head melted from the awesome. He finally got to the house. Then his friend Chuck came out of the house. They exchanged manly fist-pounds, breaking several pieces of glass surrounding the area.
"The other guys are over."
Arnold, Charlie, Elvis, The Captain came out. George greeted each one with a punch to the face, which he (likewise) recieved from them aswell. They headed out to kill some Zardmen. When they finally arrived, several adorable animals came out.
They exploded from the combined awesome.
Charlie did a silent dance, and his toothbrush mustache's awesome caused the earth to errode to make a path to the Zardmen. They walked on. They finally arrived. The Zardmen already had their pants wet. Each went to their respective Zardman. George punched the Zardman causing him to fly a thousand feet in the air. Arnold took out a giant machine gun, and with ease, shot the Zardman with so much lead he pooped pencils. Elvis went over and stuck his hand down the Zardman's body and took out his still-beating heart. For a snack, he ate the heart and said:
"Thank you very much."
The good ole' Captain simply walked up to his and falcon punched him so hard in the face he accidentally caused a black hole. Simply because he keeps his stuff inside the universe, he decides to close the black hole before it sucked up all existance. Chuck applied roundhouse kick to face. A simple equation for instant death.
Then they went to the main town. Everyone was already shaking and rolling on the ground shaking their thumbs except one man.
Artix.
He sat there sipping tea, cooked with the blood of a thousand slain undead, and when George and the guys approached, they each exchanged manly fist-pounds with Artix. After they were done eating titanium and drinking magma, they went to the Inn. There they purchased a room to sleep. But that's the problem. They don't sleep, they play Monopoly: Manly version 'till they feel like it's time to tell the sun it can come up.
The next morning, they decided to quickly get a drink. They each got a refreshing can of anti-matter and decided that it's time to start the day. The sun cautiously came out, and it was day. A brave man ran up, and apparently he knew his things, because his question was far from unintelligent:
"Excuse me guys, what would happen if Artix chopped with his axe, Chuck roundhouse kicked as hard as he could, Charlie danced as awesomely as possible, Elvis sang as awesomely as possible, and the falcon delivered a full-powered falcon punch and they all clashed?"
"The world would implode" they all replied.
"Like this..." explained Elvis.
Elvis stared into the man's soul. He was dead before he knew it.
Part 2.
When they were done drinking tea made up of anti-matter, they decided to go to the local orphanage to do little favors like taking out an underground Mafia gang or saving the world from a nearly unstoppable force. When they got there, they had said that their planet was about to be blown up by a giant laser, similar to the Death Star.
"You kids and your silly references and movies..." said George.
George decided he'd take care of this "laser." Alas, it was a giant laser, approximately the size of the milky way. George, in one big leap, landed from the Earth on the laser. He punched down as hard as he could. The dent went in for 100 miles, but overall barely damaging the laser. George was annoyed.
Soon, he realized he'd need his friends to help him break this laser made out of a type of metal stronger then about 700 pounds of diamond with combined density. When they fellows jumped up to join George, they noticed a count down.
"In exactly 10 minutes, this laser will launch a beam to destroy planet: Earth." The good Captain knew the best plan. George would sit at the core, Captain Falcon would stand on a floating piece of the hard metal that he'd rip off the laser and throw into space. Charlie would stand at the very biggest part of the laser, Arnold would be inside where the technology was. Elvis would be on the very tip, where the laser fires out.
They were in place in less then 2 minutes. The only way to destroy the laser Captain figured was to weaken all the man components before taking out the core. So everyone was in place.
Captain Falcon jumped off the floating metal and carefully executed a Falcon punch directly where all the biggest pieces of the metal meet, causing every single metal plate in the whole laser become a dent. From far away it looked like the laser shrinked by a very small amount.
With all the hardware scrunched up inside Charlie stabbed his staff through the thickest part and caused it to thin. The laser looked like a long sasuage with a deadly planet destroying tip now. Arnold got the que. He took out the biggest guns and lasers he could find in his left sock and began shooting at every single screen, keyboard, and blinky light he could see and before long the entire place was blowing up everywhere from the inside. Falcon told him to stay put as even though all hardware is basically exploded, the laser would still function. Elvis quickly sang to blow up all of the hardware inside the laser closest to the tip.
Arnold took out two rocket launchers and put them on his left shoulder, then he took off his vest with seventy grenades all tied by one long pullable string and readys his position. Each one of the guys re-did their job with the exception of Arnold and George. But the Captain, this time around made one big dent, not one small one everywhere. The second it connected, he told Arnold to do it.
With 5 minutes left, Arnold took off his vest, breaking some hardware with his buffness for good measure, and chunked the grenades deep in there. It hit the floor after 700 miles. He shot both rocket launchers and reloaded them five times and shot out all of his ammo. He got out before the first set of rockets hit. He jumps out just in time to see (once more) everyone re-doing their job. By this time there were miniature explosions everywhere, but right as all of Arnold's explosives hit, Falcon punched, Charlie stabbed, and Elvis sang, George gave the hardest punch he'd ever do to hit the core. They jumped down to earth with a minute to spare.
A minute to get fresh ice cream. The orphans cheered, but soon frowned. Captain realized the explosion could still hurt someone. He realed up his punch and caused a black hole in the sky facing the laser. Once the explosion flew inside, he jumped in and pulled out all the stuff from Earth that accidentally fell in. The orphans cheered.
Little Billy went up to Arnold.
"Excuse me sir, can I have some of your ice cream?"
He simply said:
"NOAH. IT IZ MY ICE CREAM. AND UNLES YOU CAN SWALLOW LIQUID NITROJEN, THEN YOU CANT HAF ANY."
Part 3 later.
If you disagree, then you're wrong.
(Note: This is simply a humorous story. Also, it can get potentially awesome, as in bloody, in a text/imagination way, so mind you.)
George got out of bed. He walked to the kitchen and took the already cooked and buttered toast. The toaster knows better then to keep George waiting. George walked through the door and was walking to his friend's house. He was ready to go kill Zardmen, because he felt like it. As he was walking to his friend's house, he passed some children.
"Hey mister, what's your name?"
George looked down at the small kid. He knelt down and put his hand on the boy's head.
"Do you really want to know?"
"Yes sir!"
"George."
George stood up and walked away from the kid, as he knew that each step he took, the boy's head melted from the awesome. He finally got to the house. Then his friend Chuck came out of the house. They exchanged manly fist-pounds, breaking several pieces of glass surrounding the area.
"The other guys are over."
Arnold, Charlie, Elvis, The Captain came out. George greeted each one with a punch to the face, which he (likewise) recieved from them aswell. They headed out to kill some Zardmen. When they finally arrived, several adorable animals came out.
They exploded from the combined awesome.
Charlie did a silent dance, and his toothbrush mustache's awesome caused the earth to errode to make a path to the Zardmen. They walked on. They finally arrived. The Zardmen already had their pants wet. Each went to their respective Zardman. George punched the Zardman causing him to fly a thousand feet in the air. Arnold took out a giant machine gun, and with ease, shot the Zardman with so much lead he pooped pencils. Elvis went over and stuck his hand down the Zardman's body and took out his still-beating heart. For a snack, he ate the heart and said:
"Thank you very much."
The good ole' Captain simply walked up to his and falcon punched him so hard in the face he accidentally caused a black hole. Simply because he keeps his stuff inside the universe, he decides to close the black hole before it sucked up all existance. Chuck applied roundhouse kick to face. A simple equation for instant death.
Then they went to the main town. Everyone was already shaking and rolling on the ground shaking their thumbs except one man.
Artix.
He sat there sipping tea, cooked with the blood of a thousand slain undead, and when George and the guys approached, they each exchanged manly fist-pounds with Artix. After they were done eating titanium and drinking magma, they went to the Inn. There they purchased a room to sleep. But that's the problem. They don't sleep, they play Monopoly: Manly version 'till they feel like it's time to tell the sun it can come up.
The next morning, they decided to quickly get a drink. They each got a refreshing can of anti-matter and decided that it's time to start the day. The sun cautiously came out, and it was day. A brave man ran up, and apparently he knew his things, because his question was far from unintelligent:
"Excuse me guys, what would happen if Artix chopped with his axe, Chuck roundhouse kicked as hard as he could, Charlie danced as awesomely as possible, Elvis sang as awesomely as possible, and the falcon delivered a full-powered falcon punch and they all clashed?"
"The world would implode" they all replied.
"Like this..." explained Elvis.
Elvis stared into the man's soul. He was dead before he knew it.
Part 2.
When they were done drinking tea made up of anti-matter, they decided to go to the local orphanage to do little favors like taking out an underground Mafia gang or saving the world from a nearly unstoppable force. When they got there, they had said that their planet was about to be blown up by a giant laser, similar to the Death Star.
"You kids and your silly references and movies..." said George.
George decided he'd take care of this "laser." Alas, it was a giant laser, approximately the size of the milky way. George, in one big leap, landed from the Earth on the laser. He punched down as hard as he could. The dent went in for 100 miles, but overall barely damaging the laser. George was annoyed.
Soon, he realized he'd need his friends to help him break this laser made out of a type of metal stronger then about 700 pounds of diamond with combined density. When they fellows jumped up to join George, they noticed a count down.
"In exactly 10 minutes, this laser will launch a beam to destroy planet: Earth." The good Captain knew the best plan. George would sit at the core, Captain Falcon would stand on a floating piece of the hard metal that he'd rip off the laser and throw into space. Charlie would stand at the very biggest part of the laser, Arnold would be inside where the technology was. Elvis would be on the very tip, where the laser fires out.
They were in place in less then 2 minutes. The only way to destroy the laser Captain figured was to weaken all the man components before taking out the core. So everyone was in place.
Captain Falcon jumped off the floating metal and carefully executed a Falcon punch directly where all the biggest pieces of the metal meet, causing every single metal plate in the whole laser become a dent. From far away it looked like the laser shrinked by a very small amount.
With all the hardware scrunched up inside Charlie stabbed his staff through the thickest part and caused it to thin. The laser looked like a long sasuage with a deadly planet destroying tip now. Arnold got the que. He took out the biggest guns and lasers he could find in his left sock and began shooting at every single screen, keyboard, and blinky light he could see and before long the entire place was blowing up everywhere from the inside. Falcon told him to stay put as even though all hardware is basically exploded, the laser would still function. Elvis quickly sang to blow up all of the hardware inside the laser closest to the tip.
Arnold took out two rocket launchers and put them on his left shoulder, then he took off his vest with seventy grenades all tied by one long pullable string and readys his position. Each one of the guys re-did their job with the exception of Arnold and George. But the Captain, this time around made one big dent, not one small one everywhere. The second it connected, he told Arnold to do it.
With 5 minutes left, Arnold took off his vest, breaking some hardware with his buffness for good measure, and chunked the grenades deep in there. It hit the floor after 700 miles. He shot both rocket launchers and reloaded them five times and shot out all of his ammo. He got out before the first set of rockets hit. He jumps out just in time to see (once more) everyone re-doing their job. By this time there were miniature explosions everywhere, but right as all of Arnold's explosives hit, Falcon punched, Charlie stabbed, and Elvis sang, George gave the hardest punch he'd ever do to hit the core. They jumped down to earth with a minute to spare.
A minute to get fresh ice cream. The orphans cheered, but soon frowned. Captain realized the explosion could still hurt someone. He realed up his punch and caused a black hole in the sky facing the laser. Once the explosion flew inside, he jumped in and pulled out all the stuff from Earth that accidentally fell in. The orphans cheered.
Little Billy went up to Arnold.
"Excuse me sir, can I have some of your ice cream?"
He simply said:
"NOAH. IT IZ MY ICE CREAM. AND UNLES YOU CAN SWALLOW LIQUID NITROJEN, THEN YOU CANT HAF ANY."
Part 3 later.
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