Saving The Worlds-A AQW Fansite Fiction

[Zuan]

[glow=red,2,300]Saving The Worlds[/glow]

Does Good always win?
Do The Heroes always Prevail?
Do the Good stay Good?
Does the Evil ever die?

This story is about Heroes who united after there world was hit by Evil, heroes from all over the land came to unite however nothing world, as i am writing this we have been attacked, Tomix dead, Fygi's army destroyed and our Moral crushed, The final 20 of us are fighting a Evil that will not die and will never end, is this how all heroes end?

It all started around 6 years ago, when something happened that told the Gods that the World of Paradise they had made, had broken the rules. Tomix had realised the Murk, This was a ancient ability that no one really knows about, not even know, however the gods betrayed us when this happened and there warriors woke, they spawned from the earth, and killed who they wanted.

Not all men were killed and this is were the story begins with a Lord going by the Name of Fygi, he was 1 of the 12 great lords of the World, he was one of the first to be attacked, around 20 Creatures landed in his land, around 2000 of his guard saw the event however only 1 survived, his name was Zephyrfal, new to the guard he fled before the fight and ran towards the Lords manor.

"Master, something has attacked, the guards are dead, they came from the sky!"
"Sky? Dead? What do you mean Guard?"
Slave check outside.
"No."
"No? what do you mean boy?"
In the corner in rags was a man, he had long dark hair and brown eyes, he had a weak physic and had a small ceremonial dagger.
"Fygi, I Know this enemy better than any."
"Don't speak my Name!!!"
"Fygi, I am like them, I was there scout!"
"Then DIE!"
Fygi drew his sword and as he tried to strike the man it shattered.
The man stood up and then there was a rip in his back and 2 white wings appeared. His ranges changed to golden armour and his eyes blazed Blue.
"Run, I will hold them off, advise there is only one other person who can help us."
"And that is?"
"Tomix, Now Go!"
"What do you mean Tomix? he was locked away."
There was a bang and the 20 black angels entered.
"Respawn him, the 12 Lord rings in the chasm of Blue will re spawn him. Now do it!"
The angel ran towards the 20 black angels and his wings went into flight, with a flame from his sword, Fygi turned to see him strike one of the angels to dust, he hopped that was the end of it, as the 12 Lords were all rivals and Tomix destroyed half the world and his re-spawn what would that cause? he did not know, all he knew was that the sooner he headed to the council chambers in the capital the better.

[Sir Meta Knight]

....I don't get it. Its like a whole bunch of action scenes are being thrown at me...explain?

[zephyrfal]

Hey, I'm in it! ^_^ Even if I am the cowardly guard who ran. =p

I really liked the beginning, the four big questions. The first paragraph is also really cool, it gives a good, short background into your story, ending with another hanging question.

Overall, I think your English is a little disjointed, no offense meant. I think it's good but it could perhaps be expanded a bit, you seem to jump around a little.

Good start! Do you plan on continuing it?

=ZF

[Zuan]

i have to countinue it, my style is get into the action, in ever story i write, this one and my clan one. I write alot on my own fourums so tell me if you want to look at those but this is a mix of most of my works, Iv trieid to include other peoples looks, Eg tomix and the murx tomix saga, aswell as another story im currently writing for my clans about the angels, its difficult but like AQW it's a mix of evrything, this may well fail but il do my best

[Toby Mac]

Lol I like it, but I think it's a bit too much action. One thing happens, then another, then another.
Sometimes it gets a little confusing..

[Fygi]

A thing that might help is to mention who is talking.
I do like the action though.

[Zuan]

Toby Mac- i know iv said it, i prefere lots of diffrent action than 1 screen all the time,

@fygi, i try to give the obvious impression of who is talking but if you want il just add in who is talkign when i write the next chapter

Thanks for the comments!

[aragorn199]

um... am I alive? or was I crushed by the foe?

[Zuan]

guys i will post the next part, in the next few days,